Two posts in one day! Who am I? Stephen King?
I just HAD to share my new found way of sticking corporate America in the ass.
I had a craving for McDonald's today. Ok, who am I kidding, I crave McDonald's daily.
Their Diet Coke is THE best fountain soda to be had. Ronald has discovered the perfect balance of carbonation to syrup. A fountain soda from anywhere else pales in comparison.
I like their fries too. Although I am usually on the receiving end of cold, limp fries, I have devised a fool-proof system of ensuring I receive hot, crispy fries with every order. I simply ask for no salt. It's not that I am health conscious, (I am not) it's that by requesting no salt, I KNOW I will get fresh fries.
I have endured more than one confused glance from a Mcworker over the years, as I liberally poured salt all over the golden sticks of love that I just ordered sans salt.
I have also started ordering burgers without ketchup. It's not that I don't love ketchup, ( I do) it's that ketchup is the only ingredient they cannot scrape off without leaving evidence of their cunning attempts to deceive me.
I used to say no onions. But, I always find evidence that onions once existed on my burger and were scraped off by the pimple faced teenager who probably picked his butt before he made my cheeseburger.
Ketchup is a liquid of sorts, buns are absorbent. Once ketchup hits the bun, there is no pretending it wasn't there. It seeps immediately into the crown of the bun; therefore rendering the burger as a smoking gun in the trial of Cici v. McDonald's manager.
Ordering no ketchup guarantees a freshly made sandwich. I then ask for a handful of ketchup packets which also creates a stir among America's finest.
But to say that I have hit the McDonald's lottery would be an understatement. I hit the JUMBO SUPER JACKPOT!
Late in my laboratory last night, while mapping out my plans to take over the world, I had a realization. Big Macs are delicious, and come with a hefty price tag of $2.49 in these parts. Double cheeseburgers, on the other hand, are $1. ONE DOLLAR.
Why not order a double cheeseburger, but ask for it Big Mac style?
Could it be done? Would time cease to exist if I dared tempt fate? Would every McEmployee walk out on the job at my confusing order, while McManager's explained that I wasn't at Burger King, and I couldn't HAVE it MY way?
Only one way to find out. Field research.
I walked in to my local Golden arches earlier this afternoon and placed my order. Panic set in when the cashier looked at me quizzically. I was a nano-second away from telling her I was just kidding; like Ralphie in A Christmas Story, I'll just have some Chicken Nuggets, I guess.
But, she pulled the mother of all moves. She called over her manager. Standing there, I was sweating and feeling like a criminal. Surely the cashier was pressing the panic button under the register to alert local law enforcement of my indiscretion.
I would be arrested immediately. Theft of services was the first charge that entered my mind. I would go to McJail and be cell mates with the Hamburglar. What of my children standing innocently beside me, eyeing the newest Happy Meal toys? They would be taken away by family services and sent to live with foster parents that lock them in the garage.
Adrenalin kicked in and I almost ran. Then the manager explained to the cashier- ''Just type in 'Dressed like a Big Mac.'" I was relieved and humored at the same time. Not only was I NOT going to McJail, I was about to dine on a burger that was 'DRESSED' as in wearing clothes.
Yep. The plan worked. I had a Big Mac(minus the extra bun in the middle) for the bargain basement price of $1.
Suckers.
Join me next week as I go to Outback Steakhouse and try to substitute a lobster tails for my baked potato.
Love,
Cici
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